Extra Credit

It was a beautiful sunny, breezy day in April. I was sitting on the green grass eating with my girlfriend. I got up to throw out my grease-stained, drab white pizza box. The garbage can outside the dorm is always filled with interesting pieces of trash. I saw the vivid purple of a Panda Express cup, the contrasting red and white of a crumpled McDonald’s bag, the bright pink and orange coffee cup from Dunkin Donuts, and colorful green and yellow Subway bag. Despite these intense colors, I saw an ostentatious beacon of lime green packaging with the word Trojan written boldly across the front. The package seemed to be hastily ripped open. The edge was jagged and bent, implying it was an epic struggle to open. Its contents were missing, leaving this neon badge of honor abandoned in a fit of passion. Even though the garbage can was full, it seemed that everything there respectfully avoided hiding the sensual act of love. As it sadly stared up at me, like a puppy separated from its owner, I began to wonder what its story was. Was it my roommate’s? Thrown away in a rush for a quickie between bites of Panda Express? Was it an experienced frat guy bringing a girl home for a one night stand? Was it a random hookup, both parties heartbroken due to a recent breakup? Were both of them newbies trying a condom out for the first time? That would explain why the package was ripped as if it was troublesome to open. Was is the product of a drunken late night horniness? Regardless of who it was, where did they do it? Did they do it in a public venue with the world to see? In a seedy bathroom, rushed and cramped? Did they do it an abandoned, dark stairwell? Did they do it in a room, throwing it outside to hide their “sin?” Did they do it in a shady back alley, not patient enough to make it to a room? Better yet, when was it disposed? Was it from the weekend? Crazy things happen on the weekend at Penn State. How could someone dispose of this prestigious merchandise so disrespectfully? A product like this deserves utmost care in disposal as it represents a sacred act of life between lovers.
Suddenly, I realized i had been drunk last night. And my wallet felt lighter...